This past Wednesday, I found myself in a situation that has since given me an opportunity to reflect on my own behavior. I was having a conversation with some colleagues when an opportunity presented itself. I was enthusiastic about the possibility, and before I had given much thought to the circumstances, I spoke up and expressed what I wanted.
It wasn’t until afterward that I began thinking about how my actions might have affected the other people involved. I had been so focused on what I wanted to accomplish that I hadn’t stopped to consider what might be best for them. Looking back, I wish I had handled the situation differently.
I don’t believe my intentions were inappropriate. But I do recognize that I acted impulsively, allowing my enthusiasm to get ahead of my judgment. And I suspect I’m not alone in having experiences like this.
Impulsiveness and the Trust We Build
In my research on how employees develop trust in their leaders, one of the dimensions that emerged concerned how leaders respond to challenging situations. I now refer to this dimension as Leading Through Challenges.
One particularly interesting finding was the contrast between steadiness and impulsivity.
Employees described leaders they trusted as calm, level-headed, and thoughtful in their responses to difficult situations. These leaders listened, considered the circumstances, and avoided reacting prematurely, and were described as level-headed, balanced, and keeping a cool head.
But employees described a very different experience when their leaders responded impulsively. These leaders were perceived as reactionary, emotional, and quick to reach conclusions without sufficient consideration.
The distinction is important. People notice not only what leaders do, but how they respond when circumstances don’t unfold as expected. And those experiences influence the extent to which employees trust their leaders.
Impulsiveness Isn’t Always Obvious
When we think about impulsive behavior, we may imagine someone losing their temper, making a rash decision, or saying something they immediately regret. But impulsiveness can appear in much more ordinary interactions.
Consider some familiar workplace behaviors:
- Interrupting others because we’re enthusiastic about a subject, impatient to move things forward, or eager to share our own ideas.
- Reacting defensively when someone challenges our judgment or offers criticism.
- Making premature commitments before considering our existing responsibilities or the expectations of others.
- Jumping to conclusions before gathering sufficient information.
- Responding emotionally to disappointing news or unexpected setbacks.
- Making decisions too quickly without considering their consequences.
- Sending messages in frustration that we later wish we had reconsidered.
What’s interesting about these behaviors is that they don’t necessarily originate from bad intentions. But our intentions don’t determine how other people experience our behavior.
Someone who is interrupted may feel dismissed. An emotional response may cause someone to become reluctant to raise concerns. And unpredictable reactions may cause others to approach a relationship with apprehension. Over time, these experiences can influence how others perceive our judgment, reliability, and respect for the people around us.
The Difference Between Decisiveness and Impulsiveness
I think it’s important to distinguish impulsiveness from decisiveness. Effective leaders sometimes need to act quickly. They may have incomplete information, limited time, and significant consequences to consider.
Being decisive doesn’t mean acting without thought. It means exercising judgment and making a timely choice based on the information available.
Impulsiveness, on the other hand, occurs when we act before giving sufficient consideration to the circumstances or consequences. It is not limited to situations involving anger or frustration. As my experience on Wednesday reminded me, even positive emotions such as enthusiasm and excitement can lead us to act prematurely.
We become focused on what we want to accomplish, and we fail to consider how our actions may affect others. The problem isn’t necessarily the emotion we are feeling; it’s allowing the emotion to determine our behavior before we have exercised reason and judgment.
The Reputation We Create Through Our Responses
One of the most important principles I have learned in my work on leadership development is that your reputation is shaped by how other people experience you.
We may consider ourselves enthusiastic, decisive, and results-oriented. But if our behaviors consistently leave others feeling interrupted, disregarded, or apprehensive, they may develop a very different impression. And those impressions matter; they influence whether people trust us to make sound decisions.
That is why steadiness is such an important leadership quality. Steadiness does not mean being unemotional, passive, or slow to act. Rather, it means:
- Being able to experience strong emotions without allowing them to dictate our responses;
- Recognizing that the first thing we feel compelled to say or do isn’t necessarily the most constructive response;
- And giving ourselves the opportunity to consider not only what we want, but how our actions will affect the people around us.
Looking back on this past Wednesday, I don’t think my mistake was wanting something or being excited about the possibility. My mistake was allowing that enthusiasm to move me into action before I had fully considered the circumstances. It’s a reminder that I still have work to do in developing the same qualities I encourage in the leaders I coach.
We may not always control the impulses we experience. But we can become more intentional about what we choose to do with them.
Next week, I’ll explore what happens in the moment between experiencing an impulse and deciding whether to act on it—and how we can use that moment to make better choices.