You are an ambitious professional with important personal and professional goals. You have thought carefully about what you want to accomplish, established a clear target, and invested considerable time and effort in pursuing it. But despite your best efforts, an important goal remains elusive.
Perhaps you’ve been working toward a promotion that never seems to materialize. Maybe you’ve been trying to establish a relationship with someone who doesn’t seem equally interested. Or you’ve been pursuing a business opportunity that continues to fall just beyond your reach.
Whatever the circumstances, you’ve been doing what you believe you need to do, and you are still not getting the results you want. And that can be really frustrating.
The question is: How do you respond to this frustration?
State Orientation Versus Action Orientation
Psychological research on motivation and self-regulation offers an interesting way to understand how people respond when their efforts don’t produce the outcomes they want.
German psychologist Julius Kuhl introduced the distinction between state orientation and action orientation to describe differences in how people regulate their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, particularly when they encounter difficulties.
People demonstrating state orientation tend to become preoccupied with their circumstances. They dwell on what went wrong, replay disappointing experiences, or worry about what might happen next. Their attention becomes focused on the frustration itself, making it more difficult to decide what to do next.
People demonstrating action orientation, on the other hand, are generally better able to regulate their responses to setbacks and redirect their attention toward purposeful action. They recognize the disappointment, but they are more likely to move beyond it and consider what they can do to influence the situation.
The distinction isn’t necessarily about ambition, intelligence, or effort. Two people can be equally motivated to achieve a goal and encounter exactly the same setback. One becomes increasingly frustrated, questioning what went wrong and why things are not working out. The other begins considering alternative approaches.
The difference is in how they respond to the frustration. And those responses can influence what happens next.
Your Orientation Isn’t Your Destiny
But here is the good news: Although you may have tendencies toward state orientation or action orientation, these are not necessarily fixed characteristics that determine how you respond in every situation. You may be highly action-oriented in one area of your life and become state-oriented in another.
For example, someone who confidently navigates complex professional challenges may find themselves dwelling on disappointment in a personal relationship. Someone who responds effectively to unexpected problems at work may become overwhelmed when pursuing an important career goal.
Your responses can vary depending on the circumstances, the importance of the goal, and your emotional investment in the outcome. And with greater awareness, you can learn to recognize when your attention has shifted away from purposeful action and become focused on the frustration itself.
The objective isn’t to eliminate disappointment or frustration. Those are natural responses when something important to us isn’t working out. The objective is to recognize when those emotions are interfering with your ability to make thoughtful choices about what to do next.
Three Steps to Move From a Negative State and Toward Action
When you recognize that you’re becoming preoccupied with a setback, there are things you can do to interrupt that pattern and regain a sense of control.
1. Recognize when you’re becoming stuck.
The first step is simply becoming aware of what’s happening. Are you replaying the same disappointing experience in your head, over and over? Are you spending considerable time wondering why something happened or worrying about what might happen next? Are you having difficulty concentrating on other responsibilities because your attention keeps returning to the same frustration?
These may be signs that you are caught up in a negative state. Rather than criticizing yourself for feeling frustrated, acknowledge what’s happening. You might simply tell yourself, I’m spending a lot of time thinking about something I can’t change right now.
That recognition creates an opportunity to respond differently.
2. Take one small action that restores your sense of control.
When you are preoccupied with a frustrating situation, you can begin to feel powerless, particularly when the outcome depends on circumstances or decisions beyond your control.
One way to interrupt that experience is to take action in an area where you do have control. It doesn’t necessarily have to be an action related to the problem. You might complete a small task you’ve been postponing, organize your workspace, go for a walk, or make progress on another goal.
The important thing is to shift from thinking about what you cannot control to doing something you can control. Even a relatively small accomplishment can help restore a sense of agency. And that change in perspective may make it easier to return to the original challenge with a clearer mind.
3. Redirect your attention toward what you can influence.
Once you’ve interrupted the cycle of rumination, consider where you’re directing your attention. Are you focused primarily on the outcome you want, particularly when that outcome depends on someone else’s decisions? Or are you focused on the choices and behaviors available to you?
For example, you may not be able to control whether you’re selected for a promotion, but you can continue developing your capabilities, strengthening professional relationships, and preparing for future opportunities.
You may not be able to control whether a prospective client decides to hire you, but you can improve your proposal, seek additional opportunities, and strengthen your professional network.
The objective is to redirect your attention toward actions that can make a difference, rather than continuing to dwell on circumstances you cannot control.
From Frustration to Purposeful Action
Experiencing frustration doesn’t mean you’ve lost your motivation or that your goal is no longer worth pursuing. But when frustration becomes the focus of your attention, it can interfere with your ability to make progress.
The distinction between state orientation and action orientation reminds us that we have some influence over how we respond when things aren’t working out. By recognizing when we’re becoming stuck, taking small actions that restore a sense of control, and redirecting our attention toward what we can influence, we can move from frustration toward purposeful action.
But what happens when you’ve done all of that, and your efforts still aren’t producing the results you want?
Sometimes the next step isn’t simply to try harder. It may be time to reconsider what you’re doing, what you’re trying to accomplish, or where you’re investing your efforts.
Next week, we’ll explore three choices you can make when your best efforts still aren’t enough.